BEHIND THAT SMILE w/Elizabeth Mateer

The most beautiful smile I’ve had the pleasure and honor to see belongs to my sister, Elizabeth Marie Mateer. Whether in tears of immense joy or intense sorrow, she wears a smile and wears it well. Diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis over 20 years ago, MS has knocked her down on many occasions, but every time she gets back up with a smile in response to the pain. Having been diagnosed with MS just over a year ago myself, I can think of no greater source of inspiration for a condition that can’t yet be cured, only endured. Her smile makes me smile. 

Allié: You’ve known me all your life, and I’ve known you since I was 3. As your older sister, you had to look up to me, as I was taller, but I’ve always looked up to you because your smile was wider. I’m not sure if you are aware of the impact your signature smile has, but perhaps by the end of this conversation, you’ll know. For now, getting back to ‘years of knowing each other’, it’s not a person but rather a diagnosis that you’ve known for over 20 years now. Take us back to the beginning. Liza, can you share the story of when you were first diagnosed? 

Elizabeth: From what I can remember, because it was kind of vague, I didn’t know what to think, because I didn’t know what multiple sclerosis was. It was pretty dramatic. I went blind in my left eye. Optic neuritis took complete sight.… It didn’t really hit me until a little further down the road. I didn’t really accept what it was because I didn’t know what it was going to do. It has affected my life in more ways than one. People always said to pray and ask God to take it away, but I did not do that even once. God doesn’t put anything on  us that we cannot bare. So, I just asked him to give me the strength to deal with it. It was hard sometimes, but it gets easier… Not really. That was a joke. It doesn’t get easier. I used to say, “It is what it is.” But it is not. It’s what we make it. It’s really not bad, if you learn to have fun with it. Learn that the pain does not go away; if anything, it gets worse… but you just have to have fun with it, in one way or another. You can’t let it take you. 

Allié: You grew up with your nickname, Liza, but as an adult you go by your real name, Elizabeth. I will always call you Liza, just like you’ll always call me Alisha, my real name. Beyond your name and beyond your diagnosis, you have a spirit and a strength that can’t be defined or diminished by either. Where does it come from? I’ve seen you knocked down so many times, and each time you come back stronger. Where do you get your strength?

Elizabeth: God… I had to lose everything to actually appreciate what I had. MS has been difficult, but by God’s grace and mercy, I am able to see the benefits of it. I was going way too fast through life… I had to slow down. I am that strong and stubborn that I had to have my legs taken from me. I had to be paralyzed, in order to sit my behind down. I had to lose my sight, in order to slow down. My speech… I have to really think 5 times before I speak, like I’m supposed to. I’m forced to do things that I should be doing. God is the only thing that has given me the strength. A lot of this experience I’ve had to experience by myself… but I’ve never been really alone.

Allié: In all things, there is something to lose and something to gain. When it comes to MS, what’s been your hardest loss? What’s been your greatest gain?

Elizabeth: My relationship with God has been the greatest gain, because that has been my saving grace. The most difficult thing has been my relationships — or lack thereof. It’s hard to give something that you don’t have. I mean I can go without my legs… but not being able to provide for my son in the way I’d like to… even my granddaughter now… There are things I’d like to do, but it’s okay. I’ve learned that I can do it. I’m going to do it. I’m going to get from point A to point B. I just have to take a different path… My brain has so many lesions on it… So, I’ve had to be creative to get from here to there. Sometimes backwards. Sometimes forwards. 

Allié: I remember when I video called you one day a year or so ago to tell you about an article on MS that we had just published in our magazine. I remember telling you that I would send you a link so that you could read it. I remember you crying. When I asked why, you told me that you couldn’t read it. You were having a flare up with your MS. Optic Neuritis is a bitch. You couldn’t read it. I remember you smiling while crying and saying that it would be okay. I remember being inspired. Do you know that it was your smile through those tears that inspired the AwareNow Podcast? If our stories couldn’t be read, we would make them heard. You inspired more accessibility and more inclusivity. 

Elizabeth: First of all, it’s not ‘my’ MS. I will not claim it as mine. It’s a disease that lives inside me, but it is not mine… You know, I don’t think I’ve been able to go through what I’ve gone through for nothing. God has allowed me to have something and get through something for a reason. I haven’t figured out that reason yet, but I think I am supposed to share my experiences ​and what I’ve done to get through this to help others who may be dealing with the same thing. I did read this book called ‘The Wahls Protocol’, and the first couple things I read from it was people sharing their stories. I thought, “Oh my gosh! They’re going through the same thing I’m going through.” With MS it’s so difficult talking to someone who has never felt even a part of it. There are no words to describe it. Can you put my feelings into words? To this day, I cannot. Hopefully this interview will reach people because… there’s a lot of pain. There really is, but there is greatness in everything. We just need to find it.  

Allié: I want to go back to the topic of strength. Not only are you spiritually strong; you are physically strong as well. It seems like one day you are in the hospital, and the next day you’re back at the gym. An uphill fight, battling chronic fatigue and physical weakness from MS, even when requiring your walker, you hit the gym. What is your motivation?

Elizabeth: Life. Life is for living. I don’t want to just exist… I want to live. I love to workout, and I am not going to let some illness keep me from working out. I was in the military… PT? Oh, not a problem. That was before I was diagnosed, but still. At that time, the MS was still inside me, but I’m stronger than that. I enjoy it. 

Do what you love. Do what makes you feel good. There are too many things that make you feel bad. I get rid of a lot of stress by working out. To me, it feels good, emotionally and physically. With MS, you have to be strong. A body in motion stays in motion. 

Allié: “What a beautiful girl. What a beautiful smile.” More people that I can count have referenced you this way over the years. Complete strangers, I’m sure, find hope in that smile of yours. If there were words of hope that you could offer, not only to those with MS but to anyone feeling hopeless, what would those words be?

Elizabeth: Remember who you are and what you want to be. Don’t let anybody or yourself bring you down. You just have to think positive. Mind over matter… Smile. ∎