HOW TO HELP LOVED ONES HEAL w/Kevin Hines

Grief is one of the most profound, gut-wrenching experiences that a person can go through. It touches every part of who we are and often leaves us feeling lost, alone, and uncertain. Whether someone is grieving the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or even a personal loss, their pain can feel all-consuming. The reality is, grief is unique to each person, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to supporting someone who is grieving.

In my own journey, as someone who’s survived a suicide attempt and battled mental illness, I’ve learned the immense value of compassionate, understanding, and unwavering support. When we grieve, we don’t just lose a person, we lose a part of ourselves, and that’s a pain that can be hard for others to understand. However, showing up for someone in grief, in ways that feel right for them, can be a lifeline—just like it was for me during my darkest days.

I’ve had the privilege of supporting loved ones through their own grief and being supported by others, and from that experience, I want to share the top five ways you can be there for someone who’s grieving.

1. Show Up and Be Present—Even When You Don’t Know What to Say
The first and most important way to support someone who is grieving is to simply show up. It sounds simple, but it can be incredibly difficult. Often, people avoid grieving friends and family members because they’re unsure of what to say. The truth is, there are no magic words to ease someone’s pain, and most people grieving won’t expect or need a perfect phrase to heal. What they need is presence.

Sometimes, the best thing you can do is to sit with them in silence. Don’t feel the pressure to fill the void with words. Just being physically present, holding space for their grief, and offering a listening ear can make all the difference. I can’t tell you how many times, in my own darkest moments, a friend simply sat with me and didn’t try to solve anything. Their presence was a comfort more than any words could be.

Grief can make people feel isolated, and often, they don’t know how to ask for help or how to express their pain. When you show up, you’re sending the message: “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.” Sometimes, that’s enough to help someone feel seen, heard, and understood.

2. Listen More Than You Speak
In many cultures, there’s a tendency to try to fix things when someone is grieving. People often offer advice like “They’re in a better place” or “Time heals all wounds.” These well-intentioned phrases can feel dismissive to someone in the throes of grief. What people need most in these moments is not to be fixed, but to be heard.

When you’re supporting someone who is grieving, give them the space to talk if they want to. Let them share their pain, their thoughts, their memories, and their fears. Often, they just need a safe, non-judgmental place to express the overwhelming emotions that they’re experiencing. I can remember moments in my own life when all I wanted to do was talk about my struggles and my pain, and a good listener was the only thing I needed.

Listening means letting the person lead the conversation. Don’t interrupt with your own stories unless it’s to relate to their experience—this isn’t the time to talk about your own grief or experiences. Stay focused on them. When you listen with empathy, you communicate that their feelings are valid and that you’re not going to rush them through their process.

One of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned in my own advocacy for mental health is the importance of allowing people the space to grieve on their own terms. Some days, they may be ready to talk; other days, they may want silence. Be patient, and trust that their healing process is unique to them.

3. Offer Practical Help, Not Just Emotional Support
When someone is grieving, they may struggle with even the most basic tasks. The emotional toll of grief can be so overwhelming that everyday activities like cooking, cleaning, or taking care of themselves can seem impossible. While emotional support is crucial, offering practical help can also be incredibly meaningful. 

If they’re open to it, offer to take care of specific tasks that might be weighing them down. Offer to cook a meal, run errands, take care of their pets, or help with household chores. These small acts of kindness can be incredibly relieving, even if it’s something as simple as picking up groceries or walking their dog.

Sometimes, grieving people don’t know how to ask for help, or they feel guilty for needing it. Offering specific assistance can take some of the pressure off, making them feel less burdened by the small day-to-day responsibilities. It’s not about doing everything for them, but it’s about lightening their load during an unbearably heavy time.

In my own experience, when I was struggling, small gestures like a friend picking up my favorite food or offering to handle a stressful errand helped me focus on my emotional healing rather than getting overwhelmed by logistics. Simple, practical acts of kindness show that you care and that you understand their struggle.

4. Respect Their Grief Journey—And Be Patient with the Process
Grief is a journey, and it doesn’t have a clear, linear path. People may experience a wide range of emotions—from sadness and anger to guilt, confusion, and even relief. There’s no timetable for grief, and it may not “look” the way others expect. This is why one of the most important things you can do when supporting someone who is grieving is to respect their journey and be patient with the process.

Grief doesn’t have a “right” way to be expressed, and the person who is grieving may not follow a predictable timeline for healing. Don’t rush them or pressure them to “move on” or “get over it.” Instead, encourage them to take the time they need, while also checking in to see how they’re doing in subtle ways. There may be days when they want to talk about their loved one, and other days when they just want to be left alone.

Allow them to grieve at their own pace, even if it seems like they’re stuck or aren’t progressing the way you might expect. It’s important to understand that people grieve differently, and some people may not find closure for a long time, or they may never find it at all. And that’s okay.

5. Encourage Professional Support, But Don’t Force It
While emotional support from friends and family is vital, it’s also important to recognize that grief can be a complex and difficult experience to navigate on your own. If the person is open to it, encourage them to seek professional help. Therapy, counseling, and support groups can provide invaluable tools for someone who is grieving, and sometimes, professional support is exactly what someone needs to begin healing.

However, it’s important to tread carefully when suggesting therapy. Grief can be deeply personal, and someone may not be ready to seek professional help, or they may feel overwhelmed by the idea of going to therapy right away. If that’s the case, don’t push them into it. Instead, let them know that the option is available and that seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.

When someone is grieving, they might feel like they’re losing control or that they’re completely alone. Having someone gently encourage professional support can make them feel more empowered and less isolated in their experience. Sometimes, just hearing “There’s no shame in getting help” can be a lightbulb moment for someone struggling with their grief.

Conclusion: The Power of Compassionate Presence
Supporting someone who is grieving is about showing up, listening, and being there in ways that make them feel heard and supported. It’s about giving them space to feel their emotions without judgment, offering practical help when needed, and encouraging them to take the time they need to heal.

The most important thing is simply showing that you care. Grief can make someone feel incredibly isolated, so by offering your presence and empathy, you can help them feel less alone in their pain. And above all, remember that healing takes time. There’s no shortcut to processing grief, but with the right support, people can navigate it with more strength and resilience than they ever imagined.

If you are supporting someone who is grieving, remember that your presence, your kindness, and your patience may be the very thing that helps them find their way through the darkest days. You don’t have to fix their pain, but simply being there for them—just as I’ve been fortunate to have others be there for me—can be a powerful source of comfort.

Grief is a long road, but with compassion, patience, and understanding, we can walk it together. ∎

Resources from Kevin Hines:
https://beacons.ai/kevinhinesstory